Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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