I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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