Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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