tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
