Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
