Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
