i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
