Will you blow on my dice?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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