would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
