i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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