can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
