Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
