He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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