so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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