Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
