If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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