I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
