This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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