You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
