I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
