I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
