his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
