You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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