honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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