direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
