i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
