Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The cops high fived after they tackled you
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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