The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
