my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
