i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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