The maid of honor just puked.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
there is puke in my bra ... again
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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