Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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