woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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