I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
