i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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