We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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