I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
