return my video game
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
