I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
