You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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