so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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