I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
operation harelip BJ is a go
My pussy is not your playground.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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