i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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