Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
