I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
