Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
