If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
