Just cropdusted the office
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
