I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
