how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
birth control should be required to get into college
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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