Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
