I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My dick has a subreddit
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
